My Portfolio Woes

Hey you. Yeah you. I'm talking to you, Dow Jones Industrial Average. How about you stop sucking and bleeding away massive chunks every day? I'd love to be able to look at my brokerage account one of these days and not be bombarded by the color red. Are you allergic to green, Dow? What's your problem lately? You need to stop your complaining about the credit crunch, housing problems, the crashing dollar, skyrocketing oil prices, and all of your other supposed issues and get back to making me money. Suck it up!