Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Ipecac Replacement

Over the last few years I’ve tried more than a few of the billions of special energy drinks that are out there. Out of all of them that I have tried, a solid majority of them have all tasted like vomit. I can’t understand the draw of these drinks—Sobe, Elements, Arizona teas, and all the other crazy rip offs out there. None of them taste good. Out of morbid curiosity I picked up a Snapple Elements Mind Fuel drink today. The subtitle on it said it was Rain flavor with agave cactus. The name even screamed out “I taste like a monkey’s bottom”. The thing that is attractive about this drink, though, is its container. It’s a nice, heavy aluminum that has a sweet metal and dark blue design. Pretty bitchin’ looking if you ask me.

Unfortunately, a sweet looking bottle does not make a good drink. I cracked it open and tried some. The initial taste wasn’t good. It was definitely prickly like a cactus. Actually, I think licking a cactus might be more appetizing than finishing off a bottle of this Elements drink. Not only does it have a horrible initial taste, but it also possesses a mild aftertaste of grossness. Again, I try another energy drink hoping for something I might like and again I am confronted by the reality that there are no decent tasting energy drinks out there, except for the Red Bull and Amp, of course.

One other thing interested me about this drink. On the inside of the cap was the question “Why doesn’t a husband take the wife’s name upon marriage?” Interesting. So now our drinks are being produced with sentences questioning the status of society on them. I’m sure the type of people that actually enjoy drinking loads of this crap enjoy these questions, but I found it kind of dumb. I guess they’re trying to stimulate people into thinking about society’s status quo, but it comes off as a somewhat pointed remark, especially when the outside of the cap claims “Open cap, open mind”. So by opening the cap, drinking the goat piss that’s inside, and thinking about the question they pose you are somehow opening your mind? Wow, if I knew it was that easy all along I would have given up on my philosophy degree years ago.

I’ll stop railing on energy drinks now, but only because I want to talk about something even scarier than all of the crap put in pretty bottles—marriage. Yeah, that’s right, I said the M word. Actually, it’s not a bad word, but when it is applied to my peers it is, simply because it means that I am growing up and getting old. I’m not ready for marriage or the babies that’ll come with marriage. If I’m not ready, how can my friends be? Well, obviously they must be way more mature, but that’s not the point. This weekend I ran into a couple of friends I hadn’t seen in a while and somehow between this weekend and the last time I’d seen them they’d gotten engaged.

I’m happy for them and all, but wow, it’s hard to image that people younger than me are going to be getting married so soon (one of them in May of this year!). Congratulations Katie Johnson and John Nowak, you are two brave souls. Hmm……hold on a sec, that kind of made it sound like they were marrying each other. Just for the record, they’re not. Each is getting married to someone else. Whew. Didn’t want to create a controversy or anything.

Now I’m not trying to say that marriage is a bad thing. I’m just simply pointing out I don’t think I’m ready for something like that yet. I’m still trying to get my employment situation ironed out while attempting to live in my parent’s basement. It’s hard readjusting to having all my crap crammed into one room, but I digress. It just seems like there is so much added responsibility and stress that comes with marriage that I don’t think I could handle it yet. I’m sure I’ll eventually be ready for it, but I’m simply amazed that people I know are already making that big, bold step.

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