Always Engaged: My Natural State

In recent weeks I've had a few conversations with both friends and coworkers about the enjoyment of peace, quiet, and the calm that comes from doing nothing. The genesis of these conversations were rooted around my seeming inability to be, in any way, not in motion or unengaged. I always find myself amazed with everyone's ability to simply... be. Whereas my natural state of existence is to be... doing something.

Looking at my average day, there's not a moment that I'm not plugged, doing something, listening to something, reading something, talking to someone, doing work, doing chores, doing something. If I try to sit for just a moment, I'm overcome with a myriad of thoughts about what I could be doing. "Stop sitting there and watching the grass grow, Rick. You still haven't finished that book you started and you could probably go for a run or maybe you should go check out the latest episode of Bob's Burgers, but then again you haven't done this quarter's bookwork for the LLC and you might want to send those few follow up emails you were getting around to...." is all my constantly churning brain can think about when I'm "doing nothing."

For me it's hard to imagine sitting still when there's so much to do and so many ways to multi-task! Taking the dog for a walk? Well, I'll throw on some podcasts I've been meaning to listen to. Some new post-rock albums to listen to? Might as well crack a book while I'm listening. Hockey game on tv? I'll brew some homemade beer while I'm watching.

This is my mindset. And I love it. I enjoy constantly being engaged. If there were ever a poster-child for the always-connected, always-on, always-multi-tasking generation... I'm it! I know it frustrates my wife to some degree since I'm always in a state of motion and can't sit still, but downtime equals wasted time in my head. There's simply so much to do, so much to take in, and so much I can experience every day that I can't help but feel like I need to cram as much in as possible. We've only got so many days on this planet, right? And there's no do-overs last time I checked. So I want to take in as much as I can every day.

And why am I writing this? Because I finished putting my laundry away, wrapped up the latest Bugle podcast, walked the dog, and didn't know what to do next. I hadn't blogged in a while, so figured I'd do that. Now I'm off to hit up the post office to mail some stuff and then I'll grab a book and read on the deck while it is still bearable outside. And then I have the whole day ahead of me. Let's do this!

The First 10 Pounds Were Easy...

It was a few months back that I set a goal to myself to drop 25 pounds. Over this past winter, I found myself weighing the most I ever have in my life (around 225 lbs), was feeling frustrated when I exercised, and had stopped even trying to manage what I eat. It wasn't a good combination. I was out of shape, I knew it, and it pissed me off. So I told myself I'd change. Unfortunately just telling myself to lose weight didn't work. Instead I found out I actually had to change my habits.

Once I actually got in the mindset to do something about the round shape I was taking, I decided I needed to track my weight closely and do so over time. To do this I bought a good scale that measures to the 1/5 of a pound accurately and found a good weight tracking app for my phone. I also made a commitment to myself that I'd at least try to stick with things for a while before outright giving up.

I started at 224.6 pounds. It was ugly. I felt horrible. I struggled to run much more than a mile. I was hungry. I just wanted to quit. However, I didn't. Since I was being tracked and held responsible, I was motivated to try, and try I did. Slowly but surely, I saw some of the weight coming off. I'd fluctuate back up every now and again, but the overall progress was downward. I was happy! It was working!

...that is, until it wasn't. As you can see from the graph, things started to level out and stay leveled out. I found that I started feeling like I deserved rewards for good workout. I justified eating a bag of Oreos or an entire pizza by knowing I'd just run a bit more tomorrow. But eventually I couldn't exercise enough to offset my diet that had reset to where it was before I started this project, which is to say in a really bad place.

So I'm stuck and frustrated. 2/5's of the way to my goal and behind schedule I am tempted to give up. I'm not horribly out of shape. I exercise 5-6 days a week and keep active, but my diet is what's killing me. I have no willpower and I love food that's terrible for me. How could I get past this seemingly impenetrable barrier?

Go public.

So here I am, admitting I suck at my diet, but also noting that I have made some effort. My exercise regiment is pretty solid. I feel more in shape. However, my diet has gotten worse the better my exercise program has gotten. 215 pounds is less than 224.6 pounds, but it's still not 200 pounds. My new goal is to be able to break this plateau, work hard, manage my diet, and check back in a few months down the line and say I'm at 200 pounds, or at least closer to it than now.

Let's meet back here in a couple months.

I'm Now "In" My 30s...

This month I celebrated my 31st birthday, heralding in the 9 year span of me being "in" my 30s instead of being able to say I'm only 30. As with most birthdays, I tend not to see or feel or notice any difference from before I was 31 to when I hit that age. Personally, I find it odd that we even celebrate birthdays, but I suppose it's a nice marker that's personal enough to each person that gives us a unique celebration opportunity. Anyways, back to the fact that I'm older. Since a birthday is a nice arbitrary marker that occurs in my life each year, I like to take a few moments to reflect on the past year, reviewing it more or less.

This past year seemed to be simultaneously busier and less eventful. I'm not quite sure why those conflicting classifications of last year are the first to spring to mind, but that's definitely the sense I get. The busier feeling I know stems from a few things--work picked up pace and I've had more responsibilities under my belt, but that happens any time you want to attempt advancing in your career. I also had time tied up with trying to sell our previous home (which we didn't), then getting it ready to rent (which it is), doing showings (about 20 per week, which was leaps and bounds beyond what I expected), then actually getting it rented (thankfully, we ended up with great tenants). There was also my continued editing and writing duties at Decoy Music, plenty of ultimate leagues, lots of volleyball, some broomball (when there was actually ice), and the occasional hosting of a social gathering. These are pretty consistent year to year.

There was a bit of a dark pallor that fell over the end of last calendar year as my mother-in-law passed away after a strong fight against cancer. I tried not to focus on it, but it's hard not to have something like that at the forefront of your mind as you watch someone struggle, grapple, and eventually succumb to an adversary that is so formidable. Her loss obviously affected many people, myself included, but out of it, once all of the heavy emotions have subsided a bit, you tend to get a greater appreciation of that person's life. Her memories take on a bit more of bright and powerful tone.

My parents also lost a longtime pet, their cat Mystique. She was a wonderful animal that I spent so much time with all the way back from the beginning of this millennium until last year. It's weird to have a fixture of my parents' house disappear, now only living on in memory.

I hate to say that last year was a dark year, as it may seem that way, because it really wasn't. Yes, some heavy events happened, but I also had the chance to finally go on my honeymoon with my wife, enjoying the sun and beach in Mexico... although I did end up with pneumonia after the trip... but the trip itself was great! My wife and I settled into our home, and I think I now feel truly at home there. We've made it through another year of marriage as wonderful companions. I had numerous visits with my parents, each helping me to appreciate having them in my life. There were a lot of small, wonderful moments throughout the year.

So with all that having been said, how can I feel that the year wasn't eventful? I'm not sure, but maybe it's because I've started to establish and fall into routines. I've always been a creature of habit, so as I establish patterns to my days, my weeks, and my months, perhaps the lack of variation makes it feel like there's less going on. I'm not sure, but for some reason, I feel like I should have had tons of time to do things last year, but I also feel like I didn't get to nearly as many things as I wanted to...

Where does that leave me at the end of year 30? I don't know really, but it was insightful to look back on the year. I'm not sure what to draw from it yet, but it at least gave me fuel to ramble on for a few paragraphs, spitting out random thoughts as they came to me, which is essential for any rarely read blog!

Believe It or Not, I Survived Another Year

Another year, another high school alumni basketball tournament. It's a bit hard to believe that it's been about 13 years since I was playing basketball as a high school student. What's even more hard to believe is that we keep coming back to play each year. As another tournament has come and went, we participated, we didn't get last place, and we all were a little more worn out afterwards. At least there were no injuries this year!

I think the main reason that our year, the class of 1999, puts so much effort into getting back together to play in the tournament is it is our way to remember one of our close friends--Mike Johnson--who passed away from cancer while we were all in college. Probably half a decade ago the annual tournament looked like it was going to fade away as the local high school coach didn't really care to organize it and no one else stepped up... until one of our players, Eaton, stepped up to get the tournament rolling again, putting the focus on fun, charity, and remembering the good ol' days. I find it interesting that as we finished yet another successful tournament, I ran across an article I wrote for the re-launch of the alumni tournament, when we branded it the Mike Johnson Memorial Alumni Tournament. I think it's just as fitting now as it was years ago, and helps to keep fresh a good friend's memory.

From the 2006 Mike Johnson Memorial Alumni Tournament launch:

It’s been well over seven years since the class of 1999 graduated and left the halls of Hayfield High School. I’m sure that for the majority of us it doesn’t feel like it was that long ago that we were still running around the school and going through the numerous senior year events we all remember so fondly. In hearing about this year’s alumni tournament and the mention that it would be in Mike Johnson’s honor, it stirred up many old memories, as well as a little bit of my competitive nature, more than I would normally let bubble up because, let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to win the tournament in Mike’s honor?

As we’ve grown up and become more immersed in our personal lives, our jobs, our families, and all of the other things that now mean so much to each of us, staying in the shape we were back in high school has, well, sometimes taken a back seat. I know it definitely has for me, so in trying to prepare for the upcoming alumni tournament, I decided I’d attempt to put in some miles on my parents’ treadmill while I was down to visit them over the Christmas weekend. However, I found I left my running shoes at home, no doubt because subconsciously I wanted to keep myself from doing any of that running nonsense. That competitive nature I mentioned before took over, though, and I found myself rifling through my closet in my old room and came across a t-shirt that was too small, some shorts that were too short, and my beat up basketball shoes from senior year. Somehow, some way, they survived and were waiting around for me to find them.

Armed with clothes and shoes that fit my body back in high school, but were a little tight around the extra pounds that the years have put on, I approached the treadmill tepidly. Before I could even get up to a full on jog, I found myself not only starting to breath heavily, but also awash in memories. These high school basketball shoes felt a little bit funny on my feet. It had been seven years since I’d worn them last, after all, but even though it was a little weird having these old shoes on, there was also a sense of familiarity and nostalgia that accompanied the sensation.

Once I got the treadmill and up to a running, the shoes felt right at home on my feet, just like I was back in high school at basketball practice. Everything seemed so fresh in my mind. It may have been five years since Mike passed on, but in the memories that have stuck with me he’s still right there poking away the ball as I try a lame crossover during practice. Instead of getting upset or angry for getting the ball stolen as I was prone to doing, when it was against Mike I couldn’t help but laugh instead because he wasn’t trying to make me look bad or show off -- he was just having fun. He didn’t need to make me look bad; I was doing a good enough job of that myself without his help.

It was that sense of fun that helped make basketball practice with Mike as enjoyable as it was. If it wasn’t the good natured playing on the court that got us all grinning, it was probably talking about the tomfoolery that went on before practice started or after it was done. I remember one time in particular when Mike and I had unscrewed the top of Mike Young’s cologne in his locker room locker and placed it just so perfectly above his practice jersey so that it would fall over from the slightest jarring. Once Young moved into position near his locker, we “accidentally” bumped him so that the cologne spilled all over his uniform. Listening to guys complain about guarding a sweaty, gross, and slimy players was pretty commonplace, but listening to everyone throughout practice ask Young why he smelt like he was going on a date while they were guarding him was priceless.

Chugging along on the treadmill, chuckling, I could still smell the overpowering stench of Aspen cologne in the air. Practice was always a fun time, but so were the games, mostly because I had prime seating for all of the games – right up next to the coach in the front row on the bench! I was never a starter and didn’t go into games unless we were either winning or losing by 20 points or more so on most nights I spent my game time cheering more than actually playing. Because of this, my high school basketball career was lived somewhat vicariously through the players on the court, and one of the many memorable moments that I now recall was watching Mike heave up a half court shot as the buzzer sounded, following it through the air as it glided by on a prayer, and then staring in amazement at the scoreboard after the ball magically fell through the cylinder for the last second win. How often does something that crazy happen? Not often, friends, not very often at all.

Much like that storied once in a lifetime shot, our memories of Mike are always with us. Our lives are busier than ever as we constantly make our way through this world, creating new memories and forging our own paths, but as we live our lives, we are often reminded of the memories we have already made. I know that I often fondly remember the time shared with Mike, not only on the basketball court, but also on the farm, in the fields, cruising through Rochester, playing back yard football, and just hanging out as friends. And those are just my memories. Combine them with the rest of the class of ’99 and you’d likely be overwhelmed with a cornucopia of stories to be told.

You are not forgotten, Mike, and you’re still an active memory in all of our lives today. Seriously, who else would manage to motivate me enough to throw on my old basketball shoes and torture myself on a treadmill for a few hours in a last ditch effort to get in shape for this tournament? Eaton? Not a chance. We’re thinking about you, remembering you, and playing for you, Mike, knowing that all the while you’re watching us from the best seat in the house and cheering us on.

A Diet for the Whole Family...

This past weekend our dog, Tori, was having a bit of an issue with her back leg so we decided to take her in to the vet to make sure nothing was too wrong. She's getting up there in years (she turns 9 this year!) and has been a bit of an overweight lady ("I'm big boned!") for most of her life, so it's probably better to be safe than sorry. I should note, my wife is the more caring one as I had a bit more of the "Tori will tough it out, she doesn't need a vet!" attitude when discussing going to the vet. She won out, however, which was probably a good thing. I tend to dislike doctors of both the human and animal variety... so I'm usually colored in one direction when it comes to these decisions (and it is also no doubt why I ended up suffering from pneumonia for 6 weeks instead of a couple).  Anyways...

It turns out Tori is pretty good. They think it may have actually been an equilibrium issue since she was continually falling in one direction and was fine the next day. But while we were at the vet, we noted Tori's weight was creeping back up. We'd done a relatively good job of keeping her on a diet and getting her exercise, but the winter and Tori's sad eyes at the dinner table knocked us a bit off track the past couple of months. Since Tori has gained a bit of weight and she has notable arthritis in her back legs, the vet stressed that it would do her a ton of good to shed 10 or more pounds. So we're going to work on getting her slimmed back down the next few months, no matter how good she is at making puppy eyes a mealtime!

Then, as Kristi and I thought about it, we've both also gotten a bit lazy and haven't eaten as well as we should or exercised as much as we should. It probably wouldn't hurt for us to make an attempt to lose a bit of weight too. So the genius idea struck us to have all three of us (myself, Kristi, and Tori) try to actively lose some weight; we'll all shoot for losing 10 pounds.

Obviously Tori will have it the hardest being the lightest of the 3 and I should, theoretically, have it the easiest as I am the heaviest, but I think I also have the worst diet of the 3 and have next to no will power when it comes to snacks, especially chocolate ones... or Oreos... or ice cream... or chips... or pizza... crap... I'm starting to realize this is going to suck.

So, in order to keep me a bit honest in this whole process, I'm hoping to check in on occasion here on how my diet and exercise regiment is coming. I figure if we're forcing Tori to do it, the least I can do is try to do it with her. With that, my goal in the next couple of months is to drop from 215 lbs down to 205, with a stretch goal of breaking back under 200. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate this. A lot.

That One Time When I Was in the News

This blog has been in existence for what now seems like eons, but in reality it's not quite yet a decade old. Still, in internet terms, that's probably equivalent to an eon or two. Anyways, I've recently been taking on the task of converting my grandma's and parents' home videos, which are still on VHS tapes, into digital files and DVDs. As I was rummaging through the first batch of tapes to go through, I found a copy of a local news story (the channel was KTTC out of Rochester, MN) about blogging from 2005 that featured none other than myself (looking much younger than I do now). It's now been uploaded to YouTube to be preserved for all time... or at least until YouTube goes away... so if you're the least bit curious, here it is:

It's odd seeing yourself from years ago. I don't feel like I've changed that much, but when I look in the mirror, there's definitely a bit of age added to my face and body. That's what 6 years of time will do to you, I guess, but that's not important. What is important is thinking back to half a decade ago when blogging was all the rage for anyone and everyone with an internet connection and even the most minor craving to write. There were blogs everywhere by everyone. This was pre-Twitter and before Facebook had become ubiquitous. I'd spend hours of each week just writing about random crap--stuff I saw on the internet, junk I read, the mundane activities of my life, and complaining about the most minor of inconveniences.

Now, however, maybe it has come with age or maybe I just don't have the writing bug as much, but blogging is more of a "if I'm bored and don't have much else to do" activity. I always feel like I have so much to write about, so much to impart upon the denizens of the internet... but when it comes time to type out what I want to write, I'd much rather go read a book or catch up on the boatloads of work and commitments I seem to always have lined up. 

It was nice to get a glimpse back into the past and maybe it'll rekindle a bit of what I've lost in terms of my lust for writing. Or maybe it's just proof that the glory days are truly gone. Only time and the post counter to the right will tell!

A Week in the Sun

Before last week's vacation to Mexico, I had a hard time remembering when my last long, relaxing trip was. Turns out it was more than 3 years ago and attached to the end of a work trip to Europe. Before that... it was even longer. So, needless to say, I haven't had a ton of vacations the past half decade. I am very much a creature of habit, so not having vacations usually isn't a big deal for me, but having taken a week to relax in the sun of Playa del Carmen last week... man, it was much needed.

This vacation was actually the long overdue honeymoon of my wife and myself. We didn't get to take it right after our wedding because we were pretty busy at the time with my job being hectic, my wife switching jobs, and us having a lot of other commitments to attend to. As time went on, we thought about honeymooning, but as we saved for it, we instead took the plunge on buying our current home, so that sapped the honeymoon fund and added other tasks for us to do. Nearly two years after being married, however, we finally got around to it. I'm glad that Kristi took the initiative, researched vacations, and got everything organized. All I had to do was pack, hop on the plane, and enjoy. She was the travel organizing machine!

We spent our vacation at the Riu Palace in Playa del Carmen, a bit south of Cancun.  It was an all inclusive resort, which is the best way to do a relaxing vacation. You don't have to worry about budgeting for food, for drinks, for activities, for travel, and for all of the other things that may come up. You pay once, up front, and then you just go, kick back, and enjoy yourself. It really is the best way to go.

Before vacation I was battling a really strong cold & flu, so I was worried about being sick while in Mexico, but just getting to the beach and warm weather helped me kick the majority of whatever I had and let me fight it in the best environment possible--laying out on the beach under a palm tree with a drink in hand. Usually I'm pretty ADHD and can't sit still, but the combination of the laid back environment and having some of my energy sapped to fight off the plague actually set me into the perfect state of being to take in the slowed down, relaxing nature of our trip.

As much as I tend to think I don't need vacations and as much as I complain about the process of traveling, it was definitely a great trip and we had a wonderful time. It was tough coming back to Minnesota where we had snow and below freezing temperatures, but I think it helped me appreciate the climate we were just in even more!

If interested, I've posted the photos from our trip. There's not a ton as we were mostly focused on kicking back, but I couldn't keep from taking at least a few pictures of the great environment we were in.  I wonder if a palm tree will survive in our back yard...

Heeding Musicurious' Call for Submissions!

My friend, Zach, is trying to put together an anthology where writers find a song they have a particular attachment to and write a response of some sort, whether it be the feelings it conjures up, another verse to song, or a direct response (more information on the project is at Zach's site, Musicurious). I didn't have a lot of time, unfortunately, to really think about this, but I did get something to him before his deadline. I'm not happy with it (who really ever is happy with what they write?), but it is what it is.

Hands - "The Helix"

I am not alone.
Would you clear the dust from my eyes?
Would you recognize my voice if I should talk to you?
Oh, I feel so tired.
So wake me up.
I believe your hands hold the sun.
But in the deepest of my mind, I question everything you've done.
Give me rest.
I believe your breath fills my lungs.
But it's a thought that's hard to swallow, I feel ashamed I can't hold on.
Give me rest.
I will take your hand.
Just lead me through the dark.
I will take your hand.
Don't ever let me go.
"Be still and know that I am God."

Rick Gebhardt - "Someday"

In 100 years, I won't be here. 50 years ago, I wasn't here. But right now... right now I'm here. That's a sentiment with a very finite, extremely limited lifespan, at least in regards to my saying it. Death comes for us all--this we all know. We feel it, we deny it, we rationalize it, we ignore it, we fear it, and we try to accept it. Realizing that you have an expiration date... when you first truly swallow that fact... is scarring. You may argue that you lose your innocence the first time you have sex or the first time you willingly do something hurtful or the first time you understand that the world is imperfect, but you truly lose your innocence when you realize you don't get to be here forever. You will die. It's a thought that haunts, that drives, that depresses, and that guides. Seeing someone gasp their last breath sears you. Even surrounded by friends, loved ones, and care-takers, death is faced alone. Or so our rational mind tells us. But if we rationally know this, why do we search for someone to be there with us ethereally? Why do we try to convince ourselves so assuredly that we don't simply end as our body stops? Why does the collective human experience seem to have a spiritual component that defines our existence? Are we simply that deluded, or is there something more beyond the rational? We all will face that moment of truth, alone as we blink out of existence... or with a god of some form as we move on to our next phase of life.

I don't want to face death alone. Who would? I don't want to cease to exist. Who would? I don't want to end. Who would? So... I believe. But I struggle daily to convince myself that I actually do.

As I Fight For Life...

It's day 5 and there's been a minor setback. I sit here at my desk, simultaneously cold and sweaty, contemplating how long I'll last today. Things are bleak, but there's got to be an end at some point, right?  Maybe we should back up a bit and set the stage. It wasn't always like this. Less than a week ago everything was as normal as could be expected...

After a nice Thanksgiving day with my parents and brothers visiting, I woke up Friday morning feeling a little out of sorts. It's happened before when I gorge on pizza and sweets, so I didn't think anything of it, but it was the start of the war. There's no doubt about that now. My stomach was the first of many battlefields, many of which would see me losing.

...ok, creative writing 101 is done for the day. I had a nice complex war story to tell that would recount my current battle with flu and fever, but it's sapped even my will to write. I'm past the worst of it, I think.  At the moment I'm simply achy, dead tired, and headache-ridden, which is a much smaller subset of symptoms than what I was punished with over the Thanksgiving holiday break.

I honestly thought I was maybe just coming down with a slight cold, until I laid down on our couch late-afternoon on Friday and then didn't really remember much of anything that happened until Saturday morning at 10:30 am when my wife woke me up wondering what had ravaged me. I was disheveled, pale, sweating profusely (my clothes were like sopping wet dish rags), feeling cold, and had a temperature a few degrees higher than normal.

It's weird being in a state where everything feels foggy, memories are only sort of there, and you know you had conversations but don't remember how they went or sometimes what they were even about. It's rare for me to get sick, especially really sick, so this is such an odd feeling. I'm glad I'm out of that fevered state where my body was obviously in the throes of fighting some invader, but the continued grogginess and headache is still annoying (and I still have the occasional sweats).

I mistakenly thought I was well enough to play in my volleyball league last night, even though I needed to take a nap for a couple of hours after work just to have the energy to go.  After the first few points of the game I was soaked with sweat, every muscle felt like it had just been put through a marathon, and my head was foggy.  I'm surprised I made it through the entire game.

So it's another day of pushing through. I know I'm whining about being sick. Everyone gets sick, but it's not something I experience very often so when I do it seems like I usually get the worst of the worst in symptoms. Now I need to go get another pot of coffee, take some more Exedrin, and try to force myself to focus.  Only 8-ish hours to go...

Statistically Speaking, These Are My Favorites

Over at Decoy Music there was a lot of discussion around what people's favorite albums of all time were. I mulled it over a bit in my head and couldn't really think of a list of 10 albums that I would have to choose as my all time favorites. My tastes are always changing, I love discovering new music, and honestly I don't think I would choose the same 10 albums tomorrow that I would choose today. So instead of thinking hard about it, I went to visit my Last.fm profile to see what artists I've listened to the most since I started tracking my habits many years ago. Consider me quite surprised by some of the entries...

1. Nine Inch Nails

I was pretty obsessed with NIN from college onward. Everything that Trent Reznor has put out I've found myself drawn to it, so this isn't too surprising to see NIN in my top 10 of all time, however, it being my #1 entry is a bit surprising since I haven't actively listened to NIN in a couple of years. Apparently I racked up quite a few listens during college and directly after college.

2. In Flames

This really surprised me. I enjoy In Flames, but I've never been overly obsessed with them in any way. I think they may have made it this high because of the number of albums they have. Considering I own their discography and rarely turn them off when they come up on random, it may have been a slow but sure accumulation of listens. What's interesting, at least to me, is that I enjoy their least critically well-received albums the most, so if you look at my individual track listen counts, you may question my ability to judge what a band's good material is.

3. Dream Theater

For a while I was extremely into Dream Theater because I was impressed with their technical abilities. Over time, however, I've found more and more that I don't "like" their music, but appreciate the talent they possess. Listening to a lot of their albums now, I don't find myself engaged by their music, which may explain why I've grown out of this band a bit, but there's no denying how devoted I was to everything this band did for a period of more than a few years. I've simply come to realize there is maybe a bit too much cheese in their music for my current tastes.

4. Katatonia

I honestly expected Katatonia to be #1 on my all time listens list, but they're only at #4 crazily enough. This is a band that I formed an immediate connection to when I first heard them and still am completely engrossed by the majority of their discography. I find myself still queueing up their music whenever I find myself in a melancholic mood and never seem to tire of their music. And, unlike the previous entries, I anxiously anticipate anything that the band may put out in the future.

5. As I Lay Dying

I'm pretty sure AILD have made it this high because I spin each of their albums a million times right after they drop until I get sick of them. I then move on and revisit them mostly when I'm working out since they produce some wonderful weightlifting soundtracks. And, for me, they've yet to put out a bad album so that definitely helps inflate their play count.

6. Porcupine Tree

Of my top 10, this is the band I have the least interest in currently. They're in my top 10 solely based upon an obsession I had with them for about a year where I sought out everything they'd ever written (and there's a LOT of albums in their discography) and listened to it, hoping to eat up every piece of the band's genius... but then I got burnt out on it and realized that a lot of what they wrote was quite boring and uninteresting. Yes, they have some stellar songs and albums I still appreciate, but I find myself lacking any type of engagement when a lot of their stuff comes up on random.

7. Buckethead

He's up here as high as he is based solely upon sheer volume of work. I've been fascinated by all of the various compositions Buckethead has put together over the years (I think I have about 20 albums of his when I check my Buckethead folder), mostly as I listen in awe to his mastery of the guitar. Sure, a lot of his stuff is just technical wizardry, but he also has a number of solid albums with some great songs.

8. Atmosphere

Atmosphere was my first introduction to Minneapolis area hip-hop and has remained my most listened to hip-hop artist. The varied styles on each of Atmosphere's albums has led to my continued fascination with the duo, but I should also note that most of the hip-hop artists in my library owe their placement there to Atmosphere. Before discovering their unique breed of hip-hop I was completely turned off by the genre. Now, I find myself eating up anything I can from Midwest hip-hop artists and conscientious hip-hop groups in general. It's likely that over time, Atmosphere will climb further up this list.

9. Soilwork

At about the same time I discovered In Flames, I discovered Soilwork. Truthfully, I feel like I've listened to Soilwork much more than In Flames, and maybe I have with it not getting tracked, so I find myself more connected to Soilwork.  Similar to In Flames, I find myself liking Soilwork's more accessible works as opposed to their critically acclaimed albums.  I also don't mind queuing up their albums from time to time, so I anticipate many more listens in the future.

10. Demon Hunter

I've listened to every one of their albums too many times to count, most of the time in my car, so those listens didn't get tracked by Last.fm. Even though the bands last couple of albums have been very weak, their first three albums are staples of my metal listening habits. Much like Katatonia, I had an initial connection to what the band wrote and continue to enjoy their music to this day.

A Look Back at Our Vows

Over the weekend, I attended the wedding of a co-worker and friend of my wife which was amazing in many ways, most notably that it was an outdoor wedding in Minnesota in October... the same weekend which last year saw us fighting snow. However, it was a beautiful 80+ degree day with plenty of sun and a bit of a breeze. It's not often you see that in Minnesota in October! It was a great day for a wedding indeed.

Since this was a wedding for one of my wife's friends, I didn't know a lot of people there, so it left me a lot of time during the service, after, and at the reception to take in the ceremony and reflect a bit on my own wedding day. It's hard to believe that come January, which is only a few months away, we'll be celebrating anniversary #2. It doesn't feel quite like 2 years have passed, but soon they will have gone by. Looking back, the days we've shared since our wedding have, as we guessed, given us many ups and downs. The concept of knowing that there will be highs and lows in our relationship was something we were aware of as we came into our marriage, which I think has been truly beneficial. We didn't look at everything through rose-colored glasses, setting our expectations at perfection, which I feel many people do. We were, and are, realistic with hints of optimism (or at least that's how I like to look at it).

Thinking back, and re-reading our vows, I'm refreshed by the combination of serious gravity and light-hearted goodness that we used to express our vows to each other. Our vows embody quite well our personalities and the approach that we take to living together.  Anyways... I thought it was nice to muse about this topic during the wedding this weekend, and it gave me an excuse to dig out the sheets of paper we had our vows written on and type them up in case we somehow manage to lose them... well, lost mine, I guess. Kristi was smart enough to type hers up and save them whereas I just scribbled it all down on a piece of notepad paper and had it crumpled up in my suit pocket.

My vows to Kristi:

Kristi, today is a day on which we make many commitments to one another. As a symbol and demonstration of my commitment to you, I would like to make a series of promises.

First, I promise to cultivate, nurture, and grow the love that we share, helping it to be ever expanding. However, I cannot promise that some of the growth won't go straight to my belly.

I promise to value every moment we spend together, no matter how trivial or how monumental. I will let no moment be taken for granted. However, I cannot promise that my memory won't occasionally fail me.

I promise to support you at all times, whenever you need someone to lean on, to listen, to give you a pick-me-up, or just to snuggle with. However, I cannot promise that I'll know how to fix everything, even though I like to think that I can.

I promise to laugh, to joke around, to smile, to enjoy life, and to appreciate puns. However, I can't promise that you'll always find me funny.

I promise to be, and am looking forward to the day that I can be, a caring, loving, and involved father, cherishing every moment our family will share together. However, I cannot promise that I will always act more mature than our children.

Lastly, I promise to love you completely, deeply, and unconditionally. There are no exceptions to this promise. No howevers. No buts. No footnotes. No crossed fingers. No special circumstances.

Kristi, I promise to continually love you, today and throughout all of our tomorrows.

Kristi's vows to me:

I was once told that love is defined as the total and complete commitment to the betterment of another person. That's stuck with me over the years, as I've tried to work out in my head how loving someone translates to changing that person. But that's not it. It's not about telling you how to wear your hair or getting you to hang something other than Batman posters on the walls. It's not about getting me to stop biting my nails or learning to cook with real food rather than heating up pizza in the over... though, let's be real, it is our favorite.

Instead, I've come to understand the sentiment as about the importance of supporting you as you grow in life. Today is just one moment on our journey together, and we have a long adventure ahead! In the years to come, you'll face some of the happiest days and some of the most challenging days in your life, and those experiences will mold you and shape you into the husband, and someday father, that you want to be. And my commitment today is to be by your side along the way, loving you and supporting you as best I can.

And I know you'll do the same for me. One of my favorite things about our relationship is that from day one, I've felt completely at home with you. You challenge me to be the better person that I want to be, but you've never challenged who I am as a person. I'm excited to take this big step with you. I promise to walk with you, support you, enjoy the journey with you, and love you every step of the way.

Congratulations Marathoners, Your Dedication Is Crazy

Runners as they come through mile 14

Over this past weekend the Twin Cities Marathon took place in Minneapolis. Having a couple of friends running it, I went out with my wife and a friend to cheer on runners at various points throughout the race. My wife mapped out when the runners we were cheering on would get to strategic checkpoints that would allow us enough time to cheer them on, drive to the next checkpoint, cheer some more, make our way to the next checkpoint, and so on. It worked out quite well, actually, and instead of cheering on many runners from one spot we were able to cheer on our friends at multiple locations.

As the waves and waves of runners passed by, it was hard not to get caught up in the festivities of the event. I'm not a huge yeller or screamer when it comes to cheering (well, unless it's for a particular person), but seeing the support that all of the spectators were giving to all of the runners was pretty amazing. I know that it's this way for most marathons in cities across the world, but it's so much fun to see it happening in your own back yard.

The Cheer Squad

Watching all of the runners speeding by, I find myself getting caught up thinking to myself, "Self, you could totally do this. Just put in a little training and then during the race just dig deep and DO IT!"  And in years past I tried kicking up my training regiment, but as I tried to sketch out what I would need to do in order to successfully finish a marathon, it is quite daunting and I quickly give up. I've done plenty of 5K and 10K races, even tackling one half-marathon, but a full marathon is beyond scary when I really think about it.

But each one of the runners on the course had put in time, effort, and planning that leaves me in awe. Just talking with my runner friends who do marathons about their workouts, I am envious of their ability to focus on running, putting in the time needed to get in shape, and preparing themselves mentally and physically for what they need to do. I honestly don't think that even if I really, really wanted to that I could actually follow through on everything I'd need to in order to get to the point where I stride through the finish line after 26.2 long, grueling miles. So, runners, I offer up countless kudos to you. I'll always remain in awe of your accomplishments... and silently wish that I had the will to do what you do.

To Chicago and New York and Back Again

My view as I flew into Chicago

I haven't given up on blogging shortly after having restarted again (after a couple of years off). No, instead I was trying to keep my head above water last week as I made my to Chicago and then New York for work trips. And, of course, as I'm traveling my usual operational and support workload doesn't lessen... it just gets pushed off, so that's what this week has been focused on catching up with.

Traveling always seems to sap my energy. It's taxing and, as much as I really wanted to do some blogging about Chicago or, especially, New York, I didn't for a couple of reasons. First, I was in meetings most of each day and then at dinners with people from work in the evenings so when I got back to my hotel room it was usually me reading for about 15-20 minutes, trying to scan through email, and then hitting my head to the pillow. Second, I didn't get a chance to really do much in either city. While in Chicago, I wasn't in Chicago proper, but out in Oakbrook Terrace. While in New York, even though I was in the midtown area, I didn't have a chance to go walk around or see anything other than my view from the building we were working in and what I could see in the 5 block area where the path from my hotel to the office led me.

The view of NY from my conference room

It was probably good for me to do some traveling as I haven't in quite some time for work, as I do like seeing new places, but the process of traveling always drives me batty. That, and I truly hate/fear flying. I don't know what it is, well, actually I do (combination of fear of heights and giving up control), but it makes the process of flying very stressful for me. Well, and you can also toss in that flying sometimes is a trigger for my migraines, which again was the case as I flew into Chicago, so that adds to the downside of traveling for me.

Anyways, what I was getting to is that it was good to travel this time around as I got to meet a number of people from our company that I've worked with for years over the phone and through email, but never seen in person. Putting a face, body, and mannerisms to a voice is always great. And I got to see some people I've not seen in a year or two, so from a connections standpoint, it was great. From a work perspective, it was also a good trip. I'm in the process of leading a project for which I've been tasked with some responsibilities not previously given to me, and I want to excel at this as it could be a feather in my cap towards other similar projects. The project, not to be too vague (but I will be) has me more in a project manager and subject matter expert role as opposed to working in a quality assurance role, so it's nice to get some strict PM work as well as doing some business analyst work as time permits.

This project will also be a heavy contributor to keeping me away from blogging as my free time seems to evaporate quite quickly nowadays and the free time I do have I don't always want to be in front of a computer, but maybe that will change as the fall and winter of Minnesota start to force me indoors for more hours of the day. Then again, maybe I'll just hibernate!

A Fond Farewell to a Furry Family Member

Today the pseudo-mom of Stitch, our cat, moved on to the kitty afterlife (one hopefully filled with catnip, scratching posts, and fluffy pillows in the sunlight to lie on). Looking back, it's hard to imagine 13 years of having Mystique as a member of the family have come and gone already. It doesn't seem like all that long ago Stitch was a baby kitten chilling with Mystique (as you can see below) when I still lived with my parents. Since Stitch was rescued from near certain death as an outdoor cat, he didn't have his actual mom to take care of him, but Mystique was always happy (well, maybe not always) to hang with him and be that kinda-sorta-mommy-cat he needed.

Mystique napping with Stitch when he was a kitten

After I moved away from my parents' house, whenever I would come back home to visit, one of the things I most looked forward to was knowing Mystique would sleep with me at night. I love sleeping with pets... it's oddly comforting, and when I'd visit I would stay on the couch with Karma, my parents' dog, sleeping next to me, and Mystique would either lie on top of me or in the crook of my knee. It was quite the packed couch, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure my parents thought I was a little nuts for not sleeping in one of the guest room beds, but staying on the couch guaranteed me some quality resting time with the pets.

It's tough getting attached to pets. Everyone who is a pet person says they're just like a member of the family. I've always tried to brush that statement off, trying to listen to the logic that they're "just pets", but I've spent many loving moments, days, and years with each of mine and my family's pets to know logic is simply wrong in this case. There were so many moments that it's hard not to think of them as little, furry additions to the family. Days where I would want nothing to do with the outside world, couldn't talk to anyone (or didn't want to), and was just down for no particular reason, I would (and still do) always feel 100% comfortable sitting with Stitch or Pooh or Tori, nothing being said, just them being with me and I with them, an unspoken comfort shared between us.

There were a lot of days after college, as I was living with my parents, adjusting to the real world and suffering through the post-college doldrums, that I needed unspoken moments of comfort from Mystique and the other family pets. Even though I've not lived with my parents in years and I haven't been able to visit as much as I used to, I still find myself struggling to accept Mystique's passing in part because I fight change with every fiber of my being, partially because death simply sucks, and partially because I hate the thought of her not being at home the next time I visit, which really bums me the heck out. She was a sweet pet, a very much loved family member, and I will cherish the memories and times we shared. Farewell, Mystique...

Mystique tolerating Stitch's hyper kitten tendencies

The two at rest in their favorite chair

I'm Done Painting... For Now...

When we bought our house at the end of last year, we knew there were some things we'd have to do in order to get the house to feel like our home. The basement wasn't finished completely, the deck needed to have some updates made, and we had to paint... a lot. The entire house (yes, every room in the ENTIRE structure) had not had a single coat of paint put up. Everything was still white as could be which, while nice from a blank slate perspective, didn't leave the house having a lot of character. So once we got moved in we started in on painting.

The first rooms we tackled were my office, our loft, and our master bedroom. None of them were overly difficult as they were pretty standard rooms, but it got a bit more difficult when we moved to doing the dining room with its wood borders, bay window, crown molding, and built-in cabinets. I then went a in a little easier direction and finished up the remaining two bedrooms which left just our great room and kitchen. The great room was a definite no go because of the 20+ foot ceilings and walls and sheer amount of wall space to cover. We'd have to hire that out. But the kitchen was still doable... but the most daunting because of all of the finicky trim work, maneuvering around cabinets, and working in more awkward areas. But I wanted to get it done, so last week that's just what I did. Below are some photos of the "before" followed by photos of the "after". Please ignore the masking tape and junk everywhere and just soak in the new hunger-inducing color!  I'm so glad it's done...

The desk area and left side of kitchen

The main part of the kitchen

The informal dining area and door to the deck

The view from the kitchen towards the great room

The hallway from the informal dining to actual dining room

So that's what everything looked like before I got out my paint brush, rollers, blankets, ladder, and other fun painting tools. I ended up having to put two solid coats on to make sure everything was colored correctly. There's still a tad bit of touch up left to do, but I think the color change came out amazing and I love the color and the feeling it adds to the room. It's like we have a whole new kitchen!

Kristi's new desk area and the hallway

The left side of the kitchen

The main part of the kitchen

The informal dining area and door to the deck

The view towards the great room

My Only Moment of Solitude

I am an admittedly ADHD person. I simply cannot sit still or slow down; it's always moving at 100 miles an hour and making sure I do as much as I can in every hour and minute of the day. When I run, I have to listen to music to catch up on what's new while I GPS map my route and track my pace against previous runs. When I work I have Google Reader open in a browser window so if a report or something I'm working on takes more than 30 seconds to run, I can fill that time with reading up on articles I want to scan through. When I read books, I don't just read, I have to have music going so I can multi-task. Walking the dog I listen to podcasts and audiobooks. Even now I can't just write a blog post, I have to have Turntable.fm open in another tab while I babysit application installs on a computer I'm putting together for my dad. I simply can't slow down or do only one thing at a time.

Well, that is until the last couple of months. I've been making a strong effort to bike places when I can. If something is within about 8 miles of home and I have the time, I'll opt to hop on my bike and go instead of driving. Part of this is because I feel like I've let myself get too out of shape this summer. Another part of me feels bad I haven't used my bike as much as I thought I would. And another part, which was unexpected, enjoys the quiet time it affords me.

Initially I thought biking would be simply a necessity for keeping me in shape, offsetting the lack of running I've done this summer and wanted to figure out a way to listen to music or do something while I'm biking, but on the wife's insistence, I don't wear headphones when biking. What this means is that when I'm biking, I'm not multitasking at all. It's just me, my bike, and getting to where I'm going.

This singular focus I've found gives me some time during the day to give my brain a break. It's not being forced to decipher multiple inputs, keep track of a bunch of activities, and keep me somehow entertained. I have a half hour or so of simple, relaxing, thoughtless time as soon as I hop on my bike and even though I may be physically tired after a bike ride, mentally I feel refreshed and ready to tackle my ADHD lifestyle again.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do when winter gets here, but for the time being, I'm enjoying actually having some quiet time to myself every now and again. It's not something I ever thought I needed or wanted, but turns out maybe I do (I'm still on the fence...).

Phoneless and Feeling Naked

Earlier this week my iPhone 3GS finally gave up the ghost. It was a trusty companion for many years, but something finally gave way and the pin connectors that charging/syncing cables connect to wouldn't accept charges to the phone which made it, well, unusable. I wanted to hold out for an iPhone 5 (or 4GS or whatever the heck we'll get this fall), but obviously couldn't go without a phone until then so I sucked it up and replaced my 3GS with a white iPhone 4 (yeah, I got the white one, make fun of me now).

In the couple of days with no phone usage, it became utterly obvious how tethered I am to my phone and, when I'm without it, how odd I feel. To start, I simply felt odd without the trusty weight of my phone in my pocket, constantly vibrating as I received new emails, push notifications, and texts. My right leg suddenly felt slightly lighter... and my ears felt empty.

Not only is my phone my communication hub, it is also my portable entertainment center. When I'm walking just about anywhere--to the bus, running errands, walking the dog--I have my headphones in listening to some of my favorite podcasts (like Nerdist, Doug Loves Movies, The Bugle, and many others). Without something to listen to, I felt... well, bored. I'm so ADHD that I constantly need to have something to interact with or pay attention to. Without things to listen to while walking about, I almost felt like I was wasting time and found myself rushed to get to somewhere where I could interact with things again.

My run wasn't the same either as I didn't have my phone piping in some deathcore to my headphones as I tried to keep myself motivated all the way through my 2-3 mile loop. And I couldn't map it either as my phone is my GPS, which I use for tracking my runs and bike rides. I didn't know what my pace was, how far I'd gone (well, I had a rough idea), or how I compared to previous runs.

Lastly, my bus ride was almost unbearable. When I'm feeling tired, either because it is early in the morning or because I just finished a grueling day of work, I like to grab something light from my Netflix or Hulu queue and watch it as I wait to get home. Without my phone... I was forced to either do nothing (which is not an option for me) or read, even if I wasn't totally in the mood for it.

It's amazing how essential my phone has become to my everyday lifestyle, going far beyond a device used simply for calling people. Truthfully, using it for calling people is one of the features that isn't really all that important to me--it's all of the other things it does for me that matters. If anything, I could do without the phone service as long as I always had access to a nice, solid 3G or greater data connection which, if you ask me, is where we'll be in a few years.

The Lost Art of Letter Writing

It's no secret that people seldom write letters any more, if at all. Most of our everyday communication is done either in person, via email, or often on Facebook. The only things we mail any more are packages and cards for holidays. When's the last time you actually wrote a letter? It will probably take you a little while to remember when. For me it was about 10 minutes ago.

I make it a goal to write letters to my grandparents at least once a month, often trying to shoot for multiple times a month. I started out doing it many years ago simply because my grandparents would write notes in the cards they sent me for holidays. I thought it would be nice to take a moment and write back because it was pretty cool getting something in the mail that wasn't a bill, junk, or a magazine I didn't order.

As it became habit, I started to get more out of the process. Writing an email or posting on someone's wall or shooting off an @-reply doesn't take much time or thought and, truthfully, I can't remember the last time I took more than a couple of minutes on any type of online correspondence that wasn't either for work or a blog post. When I sit down with a pad, pen, and mug of coffee on a Saturday or Sunday morning, however, with music playing in the background and the pets at my feet, it is a supremely unique communication experience.

My penmanship is not the greatest and I'm not the fastest writer in the world so as I formulate my sentences and write them down, I actively reflect on what I'm writing about. As I write about my volleyball game from last week, even if it's only for a sentence, during the time I'm writing that sentence I'm actively reflecting on that moment.  It's not about writing about right now; it's about remembering the memorable events from the last few weeks, putting down a brief description of them, and reliving them if even for only a moment or two.

After every letter, I feel like I've strengthened my memories of the time covered in the correspondence. I'm not only recounting the events of my life for my grandparents', but I'm rewinding time and reviewing the memories I'd created. It's very refreshing to reminisce in these short bursts. So if you find yourself bored or wondering what to do with an hour or two, grab a pen and paper and just write someone a letter. It would be amazing to see more letters flowing through the post office every day... and really, who doesn't love to get a hand-written letter every now and again?

Elvis in the House!

Yes, it's true, Elvis did perform in our basement. Well, not the Elvis since he's in Bermuda with Tupac and Biggie, but a very fine impersonator of The King. It was all a part of my mother-in-law's retirement party that we hosted at our place. She finally said goodbye to the working world to enjoy her time as she wants to, not putting in time at a job.

We wanted to throw a surprise party, but we all know how well surprise parties actually work, so instead we compromised and went with a pseudo-surprise party. It's too tough to keep something 100% secret and under wraps and if you plans go even slightly awry, it becomes obvious to the person attempting to be surprised that things are amiss. So, why hide the fact you're having a party? We simply told her that we were doing a family barbecue at our house to celebrate her moving on from the working world. However, she didn't know that extended family, co-workers, friends, and a myriad of other people would make an appearance to share in the celebration. That was definitely surprising and we were able to keep that from being let out of the bag before the party.

The other surprise, obviously, was the Elvis impersonator. My mother-in-law is one of Elvis's biggest fans, so it was a no-brainer for one of her friends to book a private performance for her. If you could only have seen the look on her face when, instead of looking at slides of her working years, "Also Sprach Zarathrustra" pumped through the speakers and Elvis made his way down the aisle of the makeshift theater area we set up in our basement.

As we celebrated, it was hard for me to really wrap my head around the concept of retiring. She had put in her 40+ years of time in the working world (41 of them at the same employer--a feat rarely seen anymore!) and could now look back on it and not have to continue punching a clock. As it is right now, I have at least 35 years to go before I can think about that (probably more the way the retirement age keeps getting pushed further and further back). I've been at my current employer for 5+ years and that feels like quite a while so it's hard to fathom repeating that tenure 7 times over in the next 35 years.

Anyways, it was a great party, everyone had a wonderful time, we all had too much food to eat (and I'm still stuffing myself with leftovers), my mother-in-law was overjoyed, and we finally got the extended family out to our new house. All-in-all I would have to say it was quite the success!

Where I Start Talking About Distractions, Get Distracted, And Go Elsewhere

The upper right of my monitor flashes me the latest tweets from the #QA hashtag column I have set up in Tweetdeck. I get back to the VB macro code I was writing. Let's see, how do I merge two sheets content again? Ding! New email. Flipping over to Outlook I quickly respond to a question about an open ticket, file the email away, and return to that macro. Ummm, let's see... I think I put in the merge sheets code... yep, that I did. Now I just need to--Oh, my Winamp notifier! It's finished playing the album I was listening to and is starting over. I better queue up a new batch of songs; some post-rock should make good background music. Ok, now I'm ready to focus on that macro... but I better check Facebook quick, my Chrome icon shows I have two new comments to check out... ahh, much better. Uhh, so, uhh... macro time. Shoot, I forgot what I needed to do after the merge. Where's that requirements document again? Oh yeah, out on our Sharepoint workspace... but while I have my browser open, I should quick check Google Reader...

I know it should almost go without saying that it's hard to get anything done when you're distracted, but whereas I used to have no problem isolating myself on a project or task, it's now becoming harder and harder to do so. I've become conditioned to keep up with everything that's going on as instantly as possible. It's no longer ok to check my email at the end of the day or wait until lunch to scan my twitter feed. Instead of glancing at my Facebook news feed on the bus ride home, I have to be continually notified of what's going on. I, along with more people than I care to imagine, have been conditioned to be hyperactively shifting focus.

If I somehow miss a tweet, I might not know what's going on right now. I have to have the perfect playlist right now in order to truly do good work. I want to feel engaged with my friends right now or I might not be the most interesting, involved person there is. We have become a society focused on the moment--if you're not in it, you're not with it.

This may not be a problem for our personal lives, but it's begun to creep into our professional lives more and more and more as I see tendencies of my personal life permeating my work hours. Being super-engaged with social media and the technology that enables it, assuming it doesn't adversely affect your real-world social skills or become a nuisance to those around you, I see as actually being moderately beneficial. That may be because I grew up on a farm in the middle of the country where I was in a state of semi-isolation outside of school months, but I do see being able to manage a plethora of different social circles, news sources, and entertainment options as a great trait to own... just not necessarily in a work environment.

Even though we see so many entrepreneurial opportunities being seized by smart, young people who are doing seemingly a million things at once, the unfortunate truth is that the rest of us (read: me, at least, and potentially you) will have more normal, everyday jobs where juggling a half million tasks won't be in our job description (although, who knows, maybe it might). Personally, I've let too many distractions enter my working space. It's not something that happened all at once either. It happened slowly over time, as I imagine it does for many people. It started with a couple of applications for notifying me of certain events (new email, stock limit hit) which I thought would be useful and over time I found I had set up notifications for everything under the sun.

These notifications weren't just for personal things, though, which made it hard to see that I was doing myself a disservice by putting more and more distractions in front of me. As I installed Tweetdeck to monitor those I followed, I also had QA related searches being pulled in.  After I installed a Facebook notifier I made sure I had all of my task tracking in Outlook configured to alert me to due dates for all of the little things I entered in.

To complicate matters, I had my personal life and my work life cross-pollinating with one another. I would be friends with co-workers on Facebook and put personal tasks in my work task list. OneNote no longer consisted of just my work notes, but also of some items I needed to remember that weren't work related. I used my personal email address as a secondary testing address... the barriers broke down.

So where does that leave me? Well, probably in a similar situation to many other people. The barriers of work life and personal life are becoming more and more permeable, with things slipping between the two categories with more and more ease. How we navigate these waters will help define the environment we work in, as well as how we approach work. I already see myself thinking about work during "my time" but also take moments at work to do  "me things."  Work is no longer going in to an office or a factory from 8 to 5 with a lunch break in between. Work is more amorphous, especially in technology related fields.

Now... where was I going with all of this? Oh yeah, distractions are bad! Tying together the themes of the intertwining of work and personal life with the notion that distractions aren't all that bad in your personal life, but can make you less than productive while working, the biggest hurdle that we have to overcome is knowing how and when to turn "on" and "off" our focus. It might not even be possible the more we allow work and life to mingle... but I think I'll work on it... starting now. Tweetdeck, Facebook, and Winamp, prepare to be closed. Excel, prepare to get macro'd!