Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Crazy Man!

I've never actually considered myself to be 100% sane. I know there's got to be at least like 0.763% of me (give or take 0.045%) that's completely, certifiably nutso. This is a good thing, however, because it helps me to stay entertained in situations where I would usually have nothing to do. For example, let's say that I'm stuck in a doctor's waiting room for an extended period of time. Instead of getting antsy or bored, I can just stare at the wall and let my mind wander into it's crazy realm. Most people will think I'm just zoning out, and for all intents and purposes they are right, but I am actually lost in my own little crazy world.

My small niche of insanity seems perfectly ok, doesn't it? It just helps to keep me entertained. Now, on the other hand, there are some people who are crazy and end up hurting people, property, or animals. They are definitely not ok and need help. Now in between those two categories is another type of crazy--the unbelievably weird, yet non-threatening type of wacko. I have actually had a chance to study one of these "in-betweeners" while at work.

Every day that I am at work I see this overweight man in our parking lot. This is nothing out of the ordinary in and of itself, but when you see him out there every day, multiple times during the day, and for extended periods, you know something is up. I'm guessing he works in the office next door since I've observed him go into the building on occasion, but I can't even begin to guess at what he actually does for a living. Really, I don't care. I'm just interested in the entertainment value he brings to my day at work.

My cubicle faces a window, so all I have to do is stand up to be able to see into our parking lot. I often stand up to "stretch" or "go get coffee", but lately these have simply been excuses to take a peek at crazy man (as Karl and I have nicknamed him). At any given time he is doing one of four things, some more amusing than others, but each entertaining in their own way.

Scenario #1: Crazy man is walking around holding some papers. He'll usually pace around his motorcycle that's parked in the lot (at least I'm assuming it's his) while leafing through the papers. They must be very important because he'll occasionally grimace or turn up his nose while reading them. Personally, I think they're all blank sheets of notebook paper that he grabbed from a dumpster somewhere.

Scenario #2: Crazy man is walking around while talking on his cell phone. This seems normal enough. So far this is the only scenario for which I have actually mistaken him for a sane man. Don't worry, I didn't actually forget he was whacked out of his gourd. When on his cell phone, however, he would still walk around his motorcycle while talking. It is starting to seem like he has an unnatural attachment to his motorcycle.

Scenario #3: Crazy man is standing by his bike and groping it. Yes, you read correctly, he would constantly touch his motorcycle. He had nothing else with him. He would simply stand by his bike touching it, almost in an examining manner. The affection that he shows his bike is almost like that of a father's love for a child... in that illegal, incest sort of way.

Scenario #4: Crazy man is standing by his motorcycle mumbling to himself, sometimes even forming coherent phrases. This is the most amusing scenario. I thought for a while he was simply talking on his cell phone using an earpiece and microphone, but upon closer inspection no such hardware was present. He was simply talking to himself. Well, talking is a somewhat strong word since most of it seems to be unintelligible mumbling.

What makes all of these scenarios as interesting as they are, besides the fact that they are all odd to see in the first place, is that he'll play out these scenarios for 15-20 minutes (or more) at a time! I've started to wonder if he spends more time in the parking lot or in the office next door.

This crazy man obviously needs further observation before a proper conclusion can be drawn about how insane he truly is, but after my preliminary findings I can easily say that this guy is more than 50% insane. I will keep you informed of any further developments.

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