Tuesday, September 07, 2004

The Return of the Deer Ninjas

Back in April of this year, I recounted to you a story of my encounter with a pack of mutant killer deer. This weekend, I was again confronted by their menace, but I have once again prevailed with the help of Karate Kristin.

It was thought that the menace of the dreaded deer clan of ninja badness had collapsed in upon itself after the dispatching of it's figurehead around five months ago. Unfortunately, my speculations were wrong. In fact, the dreaded deer clan of ninja badness (DDCoNB) had strengthened in numbers after going underground.

I had let my skills lax in the thoughts that my fighting days were in my past. Not even thinking, I agreed to help Karate Kristin escort her parental units to the Fountain of Everlasting Middle Age, which was located in the middle of the old stomping grounds of the DDCoNB. I didn't even think twice about the potential danger, and because of it I almost cost all of us our lives.

I should have seen the warning signs of the DDCoNB's return to the area. As we traversed the path into the outer edge of the Ancient Woods of Yesteryear, Kristin's father stumbled upon the bodies of two dead shrews. Each was in a separate area so each died from a separate incident. I chalked it up to coincidence, but Kristin had a few sneaking suspicions about what could have happened to these poor animals.

Before we could even enter the inner grove of the Ancient Woods, the DDCoNB sprung their trap. They had waited all this time to snare us once again in one of their plots for supreme forest domination. Being as unprepared as I was, I was knocked to the ground by two of younger Danger Deer that were attacking us. There appeared to be four of them as the other two each took one of Kristin's parents hostage.

While I was on the ground, I saw that these young deer had different hoof shapes than the deer we encountered those many months ago. This led me to believe that there might have been a changing of the guard in the DDCoNB ranks. It turns out I was right.

While we waited for the deer to make their demands, their new leader, Deerasaurus, made a grand entrance, probably in the hopes of scaring us into agreeing to whatever terms he was going to give us.

Before he could even open his mouth, however, Kristin sprung into action. Since we were all paying attention to Deerasaurus' entrance, Kristin was able to snap off a branch from the tree next to her. She broke it in two and shot each piece with uncanny accuracy towards each of the deer that were holding her parents captive. Each branch shard connected with a deer throat, dropping both deer and freeing her parents.

As the two younger deer who were standing over me attempted to draw their swords, I knew I had to do something. Since I was well out of practice in the martial arts, however, I did not want to risk all of our lives by doing something foolish. Even though there was an aura of fear about me, my spinning kick of deer confusion connected with the first of the young deer, knocking him into the mud which I had just sprang from.

Deerasaurus knew that with three of his deer down, he could not hope to overwhelm us. Kristin knew as well as I did that he could not be allowed to escape and round up the rest of his clan. With unbelievable ease, Kristin threw a barrage of ninja stars into the chest of Deerasaurus while I downed the last of his lackeys.

Without any further interference from the DDCoNB, we were able to take Kristin's parents to the Fountain in order that they may drink from it and stay forever middle aged. Not only did we succeed in what we started out to do, we were able to come home with a few hundred pounds of deer venison to distribute to the starving children of our kingdom. It appeared that all was in order, except for the knowledge that the DDCoNB was still out there and thriving. One day we'll have to take them on, but for now the kingdom was safe. I will be ready for the next encounter.

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