Saturday, October 02, 2004

The First Step is Admitting You Have One

It never occurred to me that I would ever become, in my lifetime, a hopeless addict. I've never smoked because it's bad for you (and I feared I'd not be able to quit). I very rarely drink (part of it is fear of addiction). I've never tried any hard drugs (yeah, I'm just plain scared of those). Yet, after being so careful and trying to keep from developing an addiction, one has slipped under my radar and totally taken control of my life.

"Hello, my name is Rick Gebhardt, and I am a caffeineaholic."

This last week I tried to break the addiction. I really wanted to loose the grip that caffeine had over me, but I failed and here I sit on a Saturday morning sipping on a gargantuan mug of Brazilian organic coffee. I have never been one to admit failure... until now. I'm a slave to stimulant and I don't think I will ever break free.

While trying to kick the habit I was surprised that for the most part all I had was a slight headache when I first started accompanied by extra grogginess during the morning hours and evening hours. I thought I was going to be free and clear when yesterday rolled around. I had been clean for five days. Then it hit me. Around noon at work I started to get a killer headache. It was so bad I had to leave work a tad bit early.

Upon arriving home, I took some migraine medication (which contains a solid shot of caffeine along with the painkillers acenomenophene and aspirin), and laid down for a bit. I'm pretty sure it was the caffeine content in the pills that brought me back to a functional status. When I got up I felt like a new man. My headache was gone and I felt way more energetic than I had the entirety of the last week.

Since I had given in to my addiction once again, I simply dove back in hardcore. I had a Diet Coke with supper and shared a Diet Mountain Dew with my brother when he got home from the dance he was at. It felt good to be energized once again. It was like being in a state of euphoria. Heck, right now I'm in that well caffeinated state that I coveted almost every waking hour of the last week.

Will I ever try to kick the habit again? Probably. Will I ever truly succeed? Probably not. Caffeine has hooked its claws into me and it doesn't look like it's going to let go any time soon. Frankly, I've come to like the vicious hold that caffeine has over me. I know it's something I need to keep me going, just like carbohydrates, sugars, and vitamins. I think I'm going to make it my personal goal to have caffeine be an essential part of everyone's diet. That way I won't feel guilty about being so dependant upon it. It would be in the same ballpark as getting my daily dose of Vitamin C or my allotment of calories for the day. Without them, I would eventually die, and yesterday I sure felt like I might die without my beloved friend caffeine.

"Hello, my name is Rick Gebhardt, and I am a caffeineaholic...... and I don't care."

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