Thursday, July 07, 2005

Death Metal is so Funny

First, I'd just like to let everyone know that the newly recoded, reworked, and resexified version of Decoy Music has just launched this last weekend so please check it out. Hopefully you'll come back often for your fix of new music, news, cd reviews, and more. If not, I'll hunt you down and kill you.

Anyways, as I was posting some news articles to the site the other day, I noticed that Relapse Records was having a gigantic catalog clearing sale. I decided to look to see what there was. Who knows, maybe I'd find some cds I missed when they first came out. What I forgot is that Relapse is predominantly a death metal record label and I don't really dig all that much in that genre, however, I am glad that I checked out the sale for one reason--the band names. Death metal bands have the funniest names ever and what's even funnier is that most of the time they actually take themselves seriously when their name is obviously downright comical. How many people are going to take bands with names like Hammerfall or Longsword or Nightwish seriously? I sure can't. Here are some of my favorites that I stumbled upon along with what I initially thought when I read their name:

Abortion (so they're liberal?)
Agony Conscience (It hurts to think?)
Angel Crew (Gabriel and his posse of rap stars!)
Black League (It's like the Ivy League... except for demons)
Blood Vomit (Is there really any other way to puke?)
Bloody Gore (As opposed to happy, clean, fun gore)
Cryptic Carnage (You never know how bad they're really going to be)
Falling Over Drunk (At least they're honest)
Disgorged Foetus (Ummm... wow)
Eat My Fuk (They ate a few too many paint chips as kids)
Exploding Zombies (My favorite so far)
Extreme Noise Terror (Ok, now you're just throwing words together)
Forced to Decay (Because, well, it won't happen on its own)
Gutrix (What a name)
Hellacopters (The devil's air brigade)
Jesuslaceration (Yes, that is one word, and yes, it is a stupid name)
Mushroom's Patience (Didn't know they were that patient)

Ok, I've only made it through to the end of the M's, but I seriously can't go any further without feeling bad for most of the bands. Death metal bands need to stop taking themselves so seriously, or if they are going to be serious they need to be more intelligent about it.

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