My Manhood

It's not very often that a man has the need to question how much of a man he really is. We're too busy flaunting how much more of a man we are than any other male in our direct vicinity that we don't need to worry about questioning how much of a man we really are. However, I was recently forced to contemplate my manhood, or lack thereof, with the results proving to be quite depressing.

Last week, I found some Home Depot gift certificates in my wallet that hadn't ever been used. I don't remember where I got them or how much they were for, but when you find gift certificates, you have to use them, right? I knew we needed some caulking for the windows at my house, some hanging hooks, and fuses so I took a visit to the local Home Depot on Friday. When I asked how much was on the gift certificates, the lady helping me told me there was $50 on each of the three cards I had. That's $150 of free spending power at Home Depot I just found! Awesome, right?

Well, it wasn't so awesome when I thought about it. If the gift certificates were to just about any other store, such as Best Buy or Target or Barnes & Noble or Gamestop or Sportmart or whatever, I would have known exactly what I was going to spend the money on. With Home Depot, however, I found myself staring at the rows and rows of home improvement supplies and couldn't think of a damn thing I wanted to buy outside of the caulk, fuses, and hooks I came to pick up.

Home Depot is a man's store and being a man, I should have had a list of a bajillion things already enumerated in my head that I would buy if given the chance. Instead, I found myself strolling up and down aisles wondering if there was anything there I might possibly need. In the end, however, I just bought what I came for and decided I needed to think about what I would use the remaining $125 on.

This experience was quite a blow to my manhood and makes me wonder about what it will be like when I own a house of my own. I hope that by that time I'll have that list of a bajillion things in my mind and will want to make home improvements and renovations. Until then, however, I'll probably just use the gift certificates on house essentials. Pathetic, I know.