Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Apathetic Duality

This year of college definitely feels different than past years. There’s a distinct change in everything, however subtle, but it’s still there. I tried to think about what it might be while I was watching Monday night football last night and came to a few conclusions around the third quarter. That was about the time that I knew my fantasy stats were good enough for the week to beat Jared and grab my first fantasy win. The entire weekend we were very close with the lead swinging back and forth between us very often.

Anyhow, why are things different? This first thing I’ve noticed is that a load of people I used to hang out with are now gone—graduated or abroad. The friends that I do have that are still here at school, outside of my roommates, have seemed distant so far this semester. I am wondering if this is my fault, their fault, or just the nature of growing out of my college phase. I don’t feel I’ve made as much of a concerted effort to see people so far, but neither have they. It’s almost as if there’s some odd apathy dualism in my relationships with the people up here.

Do I really crave the attention of all of the people I’m losing contact with? Well, no, not all the time, but I do sometimes miss their company. I’ll live, and most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but occasionally it does, and that’s when I start wondering about things like I am now. It might also be that the semester isn’t into full swing yet. My volleyball league hasn’t started yet so I haven’t really seen anyone on my team. Frisbee practices are now segregated so I don’t really get a chance to interact with my female friends on the team and it feels like I’m being alienated by one of the captains, possibly because he doesn’t want my presence on the team. I’m still in my studious mode where I want to get all my homework done well and on time (this mode will probably wear out in the next couple of weeks) so homework, mainly reading, takes up a lot of my spare time.

So where am I going with all of this? I don’t think even I remember right now. I guess it’s just different this semester and maybe that’s what I get for coming back and trying to prolong my college experience. That would be an interesting irony, but not an unexpected one, especially considering one of the more frequent greeting that I’ve received the last few weeks has been, “hey, how’s it going? You visiting?” or “hey, didn’t you graduate last year?” I think it’ll be an interesting semester at least, and probably a quick one because that’s always how it seems to go.

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