Tuesday, February 10, 2004


Ok everyone, my first review has been posted over on Decoy. Check it out at www.decoymusic.com This review is for an indy band named Dualesc. I’ve also got reviews for Closure, Pace, and Local H in the bag and they’ll be going up as the week goes on. I’m hoping to take over as one of the main reviewers there. No offense to any of the other reviewers there, but there are some pretty crappy writers that have posted reviews and also there’s a little too much fanboy ranting in a chunk of their reviews.

In other news, I believe I’ve found a new calling in life. I’ve decided that I should really work in the vehicle safety industry. I know that I’d be good at it because I have so much experience with unsafe drivers. The only difference is that instead of focusing on features that would protect you from other drivers, I would design features that protect other drivers from you.

All too often people do dumb things while they are driving and never realize it. For instance, yesterday as I was driving in to work on the four lane highway, HWY 14, into Rochester to get to work, I was almost involved in an accident because of another driver’s stupidity. I was in the left lane passing slower traffic on the right. At an intersection without lights, but a stop sign for the crossroad, a car stops, then pulls out into the right lane DIRECTLY in front of me. I have to slow down, swerve into the right lane, and give the guy a one-fingered salute all while screaming epithets at him and avoiding hitting other cars.

I’m sure you’ve all had similar situations, so I propose a new mandatory addition to all cars. In the steering wheel, instead of an airbag, a boxing glove on the end of a spring will be installed. This is for the safety of other. Any time that you do something stupid on the road, such as cut someone off or fail to use your blinker, an alarm will go off accompanied by my voice stating, “Nice driving, asshat.” At that moment, you will have a half second to prepare to get pummeled in the face by the boxing glove.

I wholeheartedly believe this would solve many of our problems. With the assistance of computer sensors to measure the wheel’s turning in relation to use of a blinker and the distance/speed of any cars you pull out in front of, this feature will be easy to implement. Also, a sensor can be installed to keep track of what lane you are in so that, by chance, if you manage to do enough stupid things to get the living snot beat out of you and pass out, the car can be computer controlled to drive into the closest ditch or median. Once your car has reached a complete stop it will then explode killing you because you are frickin’ retarded and should never have been driving in the first place.

I think that over time this method would eventually eliminate many unneeded accidents. It would also cause people to drive much more carefully, especially on early mornings when the roads are slightly icy. Instead of getting into accidents and making me wait in traffic for 45 minutes, causing me to be extremely late for work, I would be able to have a nice, smooth trip to and from work.

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