Friday, April 02, 2004

An Interview with an Up and Coming Author

The following is an interview that was conducted earlier today about my latest and greatest novel that I have been concocting here at Kingland Systems. The interview was conducted by none other than the very famous Neville Tanden. So, without further adieu, here is the interview!

Neville: I see that your epic semi-autobiographical mystery suspense thriller romance horror fictitious nonfiction self-help book has been topping the NYT Bestseller's List for 13 minutes now. "Indy IV: The Reckoning", the title really grabs you and says, "Hey, read this or I'll tell everyone what you did."

Rick: Hehehehe, that's funny stuff. I can't believe it's doing as well as it's doing, especially considering the lead character is SO homosexual. Just shows how our society is changing

Neville: I don't think I'm overestimating the impact of your book when I say, our society is changing because of the deep insight into the squirrel psyche it provides.

Rick: it always has been a passion of mine, it really has. squirrel's have always seemed to possess that 6th sense that allows them outwit any other small rodent of comparable size. Really, they are an animal of grandeur.

Neville: Truly scrumtralescent.

Rick: I'm already hard at work on the sequel, Indy V: Squirrels Gone Wild

Neville: You have shown us the squirrel way. A way that transcends the bonds that holds the human race down - In particular, our lack of nuts for the winter.

Rick: True, I am often amazed at how short sighted us humans can be when it comes to getting our nuts together. We're so content to just play with our nuts, but we often forget the big picture--we'll need some of those nuts when it gets cold out! When will we learn?

Neville: I am going to use your book as required reading for both my 3rd grade class and my graduate level literature course, "Expanding the Horizons of the Idea of Womanhood and the Impacts of Such Horizon Expansions on Developing Countries of the South Pacific."

Rick: How interesting! I would be very interested to sit in on a class and see how a 3rd grader's psyche reacts to such a plethora of information about the life of the squirrel and how it relates to womanhood. For me, squirrels and women seem like such kindred spirits.

Neville: In the developing countries of the South Pacific, women are often betrothed to squirrels.

Rick: Interesting. How, exactly, does a ritual such as that work?

Neville: It doesn't, that's why the squirrel population in developing countries of the South Pacific are dwindling, and I think you book will server as a wake up call to the world about this problem.

Rick: That is so sad. The world should definitely know about this type of situation and if my book can accomplish that, then with God as my witness, I will make it my goal to put Indy IV in the hands of every living being on this continent that has money to donate to saving the squirrels. We can't do this alone.

Neville: do you realize that people will shoot 300 squirrels to yield 600 pounds of meat when they know they can only carry 100 pounds back to their wagon. These people should die of cholera, dysentery, or drown after the wagon overturns after trying to caulk it and float across the river

Rick: I am actually guilty of this myself. When I was younger and a little less informed, I would take my dad's rifle, go into the back yard, forge the river, and just kill relentlessly. I tried as hard as I could to carry more than 100 lbs. back, but to no avail. I was weak.

Neville: I told you before you left that you needed some extra sets of clothes. Look at me, I just foraged for berries and I'm as healthy as a yoke of oxen.

Rick: I always have been a little jealous of your healthy, young looks my dear friend, but that you've always known, haven't you!

Neville: Yeah, I could tell. The way you watched at Kingland as I walked to the bathroom...Oh, and the signs you put up in the break area that said, "Justin, I have always been jealous of you healthy, young looks. -Rick" kind of tipped me off too.

Rick: I thought adding my name might have been a bit much, but heck, I couldn't hold back those feelings lest I become spiteful of myself for missing the opportunity of a lifetime--to let you know how I felt

Neville: I have to say, that summer was the time of my life. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

Rick: Ah, the memories. They truly are something to behold. In my reminiscing, I have lost track of time, I must be leaving now, my good Mr. Tanden. I thank you for this wonderful chance to converse in such an elegant fashion. Until I gaze upon your face once more, remember to live like the squirrel that is inside of you.

Neville: El pleasuro waso mino

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