Thursday, August 18, 2005

A Death Sentence

It’s days like today that just make me hate life. Upon waking up, I look outside and it’s still dark, not because my self-loathing subconscious decided to wake me up in the middle of the night, but instead because it was raining out. I always hate waking up to rain, even thought it has that nice, soothing sound to it.

As I slowly went through my morning routine and headed to work, I sat down in front of my computer, coffee at my side and some microwaved pizza next to my keyboard, I started working on a project that I was having a conference call about later in the morning. I worked on it for a good chunk of the morning, but once we got into the meeting, it turns out that everything is going to have to be rewritten from scratch… for the third time. Nothing to keep you motivated like realizing for the second time in a row your work is just going to get deleted and rewritten.

Frustrated, tired, and sick of the rain, I put myself to work on another project. One that I really didn’t care about too much, but it needed to get done nonetheless. As I’m working on it, I start to think about my weekend plans and I realize I really don’t have any. And upon that realization, I started to dread the arrival of the weekend.

Seriously, I don’t want the weekend to come. Occasionally, when a weekend creeps up on me where I really don’t have much to do, I find myself overcome with waves of longing and loneliness. There really isn’t a damn thing to do here in Rochester on the weekends for non-married people and that only makes me long for college even more than I usually do. Hell, I’ve started working some on weekends so that I feel like I’m accomplishing something instead of just sitting around being lazy doing nothing with myself.

Usually I try to have something to do with friends or family, and I have the Owatonna demotion derby to go to on Sunday this weekend, but there’s still so much open space this weekend. What also sucks is that people that I would regularly ask to do something are busy or don’t want to hang out. You know, that’s fine. I can’t expect everyone to want to hang out with me all the time, but I’m not very good at doing things or finding things to do on my own, so it kind of sucks for me.

You know, I never thought the day would come where I didn’t want a weekend to come, but I’ve finally reached that point. I don’t know if that means the corporate world totally owns my soul, I have an utterly atrocious social life, or I’m just moody. Who knows? Seems like I can hardly string together more than one or two cogent thoughts lately.

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