Monday, January 16, 2006

Write Me a Novel

I'm almost through reading Gene Wilder's autobiography and one thing has really stuck with me.  It’s not necessarily what I would think should stick with me from reading about his life and odd search for love, but it’s this: when the hell did he get enough time to write screenplays?

Sure, he was an actor so he might not have put in the 40-50 work weeks that the everyday stiff like myself does, but still, when would he have enough time to write screenplays?  In looking at my life, I want nothing more than to have enough time to write a graphic novel script, a novella, or even a full fledged novel, but when it comes time to actually do it, I just can’t.

It’s not that I don’t have the drive or want to do it, because for the most part I do.  Although recent developments at my job are going to make it very hard to have any time to dedicate to outside activities that don’t involve searching for a new job, studying to get into grad school, or looking at the idea of moving to Iowa.  Even before things hit the fan at work, I often found I couldn’t find enough time to focus on a writing project.

I had a script that I finished a while back for a comic book and even had an artist working on it for a bit, but she just lost contact with me after a few months so it never got finished.  I didn’t try to find anyone else to work on it because, frankly, looking back on it I don’t like the story as much as I thought I did.  It was an interesting concept, but being the natural critic I am, I picked apart my own story and ended up hating it.

The ideas haven’t stopped running through my head and new stories are not something I have a hard time conceptualizing, but when I get home at night, my best hours of the day are behind me.  I worked, I worked out, I did household chores, and I already did many other things that leave my mind less than sharp.  When I try writing in that state, well, it just doesn’t work out so well.

So I ask again, when will I ever have the time to simply sit and write?  I want nothing more than to have something published by the time I’m 30, and I feel like I might not be able to do that.  I admire Gene, as well as any other authors/scriptwriters that have full time jobs on top of what they do, because I just can’t dig deep enough to do what they’ve done.  As much as I want to, I can’t find it in myself to do it right now and that thought, as truthful as it is, saddens me to no end.  When did I let the real world get in the way of what I want in life?

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