Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Random Allies - Thunder Run CD Review

Guys, this is a joke, right? Right? No? Come on, stop messing with me here. How could this be a serious effort? Wait... you really aren't fooling around, are you? This is a serious effort. Wow. That's really too bad. Ummm... so should I send you guys a sympathy card or something? Because this is really bad. Like baby in a blender on puree bad.

There's a lot of music out there. Lots. And tons of it is really good stuff. Looks at the Decoy Top 50 that's going on right now. Seriously, there is some wonderful music out there right now. On the flip side, however, is bad music. And there's also a LOT of bad music out there. Thunder Run is a perfect example of what constitutes bad music.

In their press sheet, the band claim to be influence by Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, ZZ Top, and Green Day (side note on the Green Day reference -- WTF?). Truth be told you can hear a little bit of classic rock worship coming from Random Allies, most notably a Tom Petty swagger and approach, but that's really all the good that can be said.

This release offers up absolutely nothing that hasn't already been done since before your parents were shaggin' away doing the egg fertilizer jig to some Night Ranger or Steve Miller Band. Most of the songs, especially the ballads, are cringe inducing. The lyrics to "Heaven" are the equivalent of having your ears raped by an industrial strength power drill.

The only thing I can see this CD being used for is either a frisbee or a gift to someone you really, really hate. You know that ex-girlfriend who treated you like shit? Send her this CD with a big ol' "Merry Christmas" stamped across the package. That'll teach her.

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