Tuesday, July 09, 2002

Burger King (of the Retarded) (Revisited)

I think it is very well possible that I have found the worst Burger King in the United States. Last night before improv practice I went to Burger King to get a quick bite to eat, since I hadn’t had anything besides some donuts for breakfast. I got into the drive-thru line and soon enough I was up to the order screen. The guy working asked me, “Lelcm too brgekang vhat cun I geet u tiday?” I swear he must have just learned the English language 23 minutes ago because I had no clue what he was saying. I decided to order the double whopper value meal, but I had to make it complicated. I didn’t want any lettuce or tomatoes on it because you should not put salad on meat. You just shouldn’t—it should be illegal. I told him to hold the lettuce and tomatoes. “So ya vant uh dabble wapper vith vhat un eet?” he asked. For crap’s sake, how hard is this. I decided to make it quite clear to him exactly what I wanted. I told him to get me a double whopper and put on it only ketchup, mustard, cheese, onions, and pickles. “So ya vant a dabble wapper vith nuthang bat kaychep, mastrd, chase, oanyans, und paykles?” Good, seems like he got it right. I go through and get to the window. “Thet’all bay fayve dallers und ayetean sins.” I had a coupon for a free value meal so I gave it to him to pay for my food, and he looked at it for honestly 25 seconds all confused looking. I think they forgot to teach him how to read English. He then just tossed it in the cash register and gave me my food. Now here’s the kicker: I got to improv practice and pulled out my food to eat. I finished my fries and opened up my double whopper only to find it a single whopper with ketchup, onions, and pickles on it. Where’s the cheese and mustard? Where was the drive-thru worker’s green card? Why can’t anyone get anything right anymore? If I didn’t have more free value meal cards to use up there, I would never go to the Burger King ever again in my lifetime.

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