Wednesday, August 07, 2002

I'll See You at the Crossroads

Umm, where should I start today? Oh yes, I know, how about a top ten list of things I think would be more fun than watching Crossroads again.

10. Performing self-mutilation with a rusty butter knife
9. High-diving into a pool of hydrochloric acid
8. Having my left arm removed and surgically reattached to my forehead
7. Swallowing razor blades whole
6. Repeatedly hitting my hand with a claw hammer
5. Dipping my genitalia in hot lead
4. Being buried in cement up to my neck and having ants slowly eat my face
3. Giving myself a heart transplant with only a chainsaw and a fork
2. Death by paper cuts
1. Watching Crossroads II

As you may have noticed, I did not like this movie. I went over the Bridget’s house after practice yesterday to watch a movie and this is what we ended up watching. To Bridget, I hope you’ll watch another movie with me again sometime—I promise to be nice to the next movie we watch. Thanks for taking me with a grain of salt :-)
I tried to look at it with an open mind, but couldn’t get past how horrible it was.

Let’s look at some scenes from the movie. First, the girls bury a box containing a bunch of relics that they want to open when they graduate high school. They put this box in an unsealed clear plastic sack (like the ones they put your items in at Walmart). Obviously, anything in a plastic sack that is buried will survive for about five years with nothing ever happening to it. Ok… Next, these three girls are going on a road trip with a guy who was in jail and they suspect killed some one. Are you kidding me? What girls would ever get into a car with a suspected killer? Also, one of the girls in the group (Britney) is the class valedictorian so you’d think she’d have the brains to get out of there. Guess not. Also, Britney’s character is the nerd of the school. How many nerds in your school are supermodel gorgeous? Oh yeah, I forgot, all of them. Good God. As they are on their road trip, Britney falls in love (I use this very loosely as I don’t think it’s possible to fall in love with a complete stranger in less than a week) with the suspected murderer that they’re with (turns out he didn’t kill anyone but did something sweet that landed him in jail—how convenient). Britney, earlier in the movie, was not willing to have sex with a guy she’d known and liked for three years but as soon as she gets on this road trip and meets this guy who writes her a song, she hops in the sack with him like it ain’t no thang. “Hi, my name is Britney and I’ve known you for about a week and you wrote me a song…so let’s have some sex now. Oh yeah, I love you too.” Un-frickin-believable. I am going to stop now because I am about to spontaneously combust at my desk. Rent this movie if you’re an idiot, watch this movie if you enjoy pain, and buy this movie if you plan on committing suicide.
Anyways, the rest of my day didn’t even compare to that. I got my hair cut but some Mexican guy who hardly could speak English. That was scary. I thought for sure he didn’t understand a word I said and would destroy my hair. Luckily enough it came out pretty good.

I also picked up Fellowship of the Ring on dvd. I also have the special edition pre-ordered so they’ll be getting double my money. There are so many people I know who are doing the same thing. I think that it’s downright greedy to not release the two at the same time so that you have the option of buying whichever one you want. I’m sure there will be people who only buy the standard version because they just want the movie and then the real fans will buy the special edition, but since they’re released at different times, real fans, such as I, end up buying both copies. Way to take advantage of your fans.

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