I suppose now that I’m at the age of 24, I’m entering into that age range where all of my friends will probably start tying the knot. It’s already weird having two of my friends married and another getting married this fall. It’s also a little disconcerting to see so many people in my age range married or engaged since I’m at neither of those stages in my life. It’s almost like there’s some sort of indirect pressure on me to move on to that stage of my life as well just because everyone else has or is in the process.
In high school I always imagined myself married right after I got out of college. I would have found my special someone in my four years of school, established a strong relationship, and entered into the engagement phase of the relationship. Later, in college I imagined things a little differently, especially as I approached my senior year. I still wanted to have that strong relationship with someone established, but I didn’t want to get married right out of college, but maybe a year or two afterwards.
Now, I’m here a year and a half after graduating and not even close to being married. Does this trouble me? Honestly, a little, but it’s not something that’ll keep me up every night. I’m starting to realize more and more that things don’t always work out how you imagine them or how you plan them to happen. Life happens and when it does, even the best laid plans can and will change. That’s just the nature of the game.
So what do I now see in my future pertaining to marriage? Well, I really don’t know. I wish I knew for sure when it would happen because that would make things easy, but as it is now, I really have no idea when I’ll get married. Some days I even have a hard time seeing myself getting married at all, not because I don’t want to—far from it—but because I sometimes think that it just might never happen. Every time I imagine myself getting married, or simply engaged for that matter, it keeps getting pushed back further and further into the future that sometimes I wonder if I’ll be dead before I’m married :-) Who knows, though, maybe it's a good thing I'm not married yet because what if I suddenly realized I didn't want to be right now. I'd already be married so I'd just end up being a lot grumpier whereas now I could just put it off a little longer.
Seriously, though, if somehow things don’t work out with Kristin, I don’t know if I’d have it in me to get that emotionally invested again. I don’t think there would be any way that I’d be able to completely give myself to a relationship again. I’d always have the feeling of previous failure hanging over me, keeping me from being able to truly invest myself. I’d be too afraid of giving up even more of myself and potentially having it not work out.
Anyways, this is all pretty much just a bunch of hypothetical, aimless thinking and is a very roundabout way of segueing into telling everyone that I have some pictures up from Andy and Amanda’s wedding that I was at last weekend. Just click on the picture below to be taken to the gallery. There’s not many pictures there yet, but I should have more later.
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